As a Fire/EMS dispatcher, I hear a lot of crazy things. Here’s some of the most memorable ACTUAL 911 calls I’ve had…
“My mom’s having dominick pain.” “What kind of pain?” “Dominick Pain!” “What???” “Her stomach’s hurting.” (Let’s try abdominal pain.)
“My auntie’s a diabetical…” (Better than diabolical I suppose.)
While hollering and panting, “My stomach’s hurting bad and I keep vomitting and pooping!”
“I quit drinking and I’m trying to clean myself out, so I did some enemas and drank vegetable oil and put water up my nose, and now I think maybe I shouldn’t have done all that.” (You think?)
“My mother has a trinket in her throat and she gets those clots and she can’t cough it up.” (The person is trying to say that his mother has a tracheostomy and needs suction. LOL)
“I need to know how you reverse the effects of cocaine and marijuana.”
Caller: “She just had a seizure!”
Dispatcher: “Is she breathing?”
Caller:”I don’t know, there ain’t no doctors here!”
“I just got bit by a scorpion or some other flying bug!”
“Can you send me an ambulance in about 20 minutes, so I can put some clothes on?”
“I got schizophrenia and its really bothering me.”
“Girl, my vagina is BURNING!!!”
“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” ( we actually do hear this ALL the time)
“I just found out I got warrants and I’m gonna kill myself if I have to go to jail.” (funny part is, the police answer 911 and respond on most every call)
“I keep vomicking.”
“I don’t know if I’m having a panic attack or if I’m gonna die…” (Well, I’m not a medical professional but…)
“Can you tell me how many pills to take to kill myself?”
“My baby daddy jumped on me, then he fixed me some food, and now I’m real sleepy. I think he put something in it.”
A woman calls and says she wants the fire department to take her number and call her if anyone calls and reports something at her house, because she doesn’t want her door getting kicked in if someone’s ‘just trying to mess with her’ and making a crank call.
Little boy calls 911 at 12:30 am. Says his granny is on the floor and says she’s going to die. Adult then gets on the phone and says,’Nevermind she’s just drunk.’
Lady calls 911 for an ambulance to take her to colonscopy appointment.
Call for a person who thinks the Illuminati is after him.
“I just woke up. I took my baby’s temperature and its 102.4. I was calling to see if that’s normal.”
“I’m nausea and my discretion is black.”
Elderly male calls 911, stating he needs someone to come warm him up a piece of pizza to help him with his breathing.